Mel's Dating Tips (Part 1)
Mel was able to write and type before he was able to talk, which is apparently not that uncommon for kids with his IQ. Well in this stage, when he was able to communicate but not really talk, he wrote me a list of suggestions to help me with women. He said that he had been observing me and that he felt he could provide some insight into the female mind and body because he had just come from inside a female not all that long ago. At first I was extremely skeptical, but Mel’s tactics have proven to be helpful time and again. There are a few things that should be probably ignored. Mel is super smart but when he wrote these he was still a baby and too young to understand completely how the world and people work, but for the most part all are great suggestions.
Women love puzzles. Be a puzzle. If a woman can figure you at in five minutes she will be bored in minute six. Men are easily figured out and so you need to develop a habit of answering every fourth question with an outrageous reply.
Example #1: “What is your favorite color?”—answer- Plaid.
Sure, plaid isn’t a color it is a pattern or something but it is confusing
and what confuses a woman also attracts her.
Example #2: “What is your favorite drink?” – answer-- White Russians, because they remind me of winter which is when I met my first real spy, the milk also reminds me of my mother’s breast milk and that makes me hungry, but they kind of also make me a little sad though because of communism. Sometimes I like to make them with chocolate milk and I call those Black Russians. (Like I said, probably don’t bring up your mom’s breast milk. Mel was still breastfeeding and just kind of assumed that was a normal thing to talk about.)
2.Women like to feel small so wear large gloves whenever holding or shaking their hand.
3 Never shake a woman’s hand unless it is a business transaction. Women like hugs, squeezing cheeks, and when you nuzzle your head on their breasts. (Again from the perspective a baby and should only be attempted at your own risk).
4.Women are extremely vain. Comment on how the particular woman you are wanting to hit it off with isn’t vain and how impressive that is. Of course it is a little lie but it seems harmless enough. (Mel didn’t understand that almost all of dating is lying)
5. Women are extremely vain. Compliment them on anything and everything about them. Tell them their dress is pretty, their hair is nice, stay away from complimenting their skin unless it is actually nice because if she is a pimply face and you say she has wonderful skin she will think you are making fun of her. Other things to compliment: Posture, their stench (I think he meant their perfume, he had a really sensitive nose as a baby), shoes, legs, their ability to be somewhat on time, ability to hold a conversation, Child-bearing hips, let me just say that it really makes for a rather pleasant exit. (Again I wouldn’t say anything about child-bearing hips but Mel was thankful my sister had some and for a while there his big “exit” was all he wanted to talk about. Let me just say I’m glad that I don’t remember some things.)
He had well over a hundred different tips and as time goes on I’ll try to share them all with you. Mel did request that if you put any of his tips into practice to please let us know how they go. He is constantly trying to improve and appreciates the feedback.